Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He passed out mid-signature
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
