I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
