Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
