While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
