Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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