She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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