look no pants
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
