I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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