By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
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Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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