dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
