'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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