hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
