I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
