I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
