i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
