I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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