Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
