hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How does it feel to date your dad?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
