Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
