Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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