I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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