Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
