Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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