When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
