i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
