Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
