you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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