A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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