sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
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he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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