Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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