her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
