i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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