hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize