i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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