Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
