is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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