The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
