there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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