ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
