If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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