What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
