forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
