I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
