the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
