my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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