I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
