There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
