So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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