i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
