Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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