So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
