I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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