somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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