On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
