So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
