yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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