alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize