I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
