You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
