I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
